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Its my birthday right so im taking this opportunity to post a really really long post. And im breaking my

+5 votes
40 views

Don't wash your dirty laundry in public.. so assuming that at least one person  so will read this here I go..

Three years ago my husband and I worked full time and raised a great son. Everything was hunky dory then my husband lost his voice. He lost loads of weight  and looked terrible. I implored him to go to a doctor but he said there was nothing wrong.

After a year of me nagging, pleading and yeah getting a bit thug life on him he went to a doctor.

Suddenly we are in a whilwind of medical activities.I'll Leave that out but it was within two weeks.

Anyway, he had cancer of  the larynx that had spread to cartridge and was directly connected to his smoking. I did not smoke at that time.

So a big op, it'll be 13 hours on the table, risky buisness.

I deliver him to the hospital the night before the op and when it was my time to go, hubby said he would have one last smoke. .. and I said OK I'll have one too.

Anyway, here is where we are today. I put on 15 lbs while he was in hospital for weeks and still smoked. I've lost the weight but not the fags.

My husband is alive, thank you NHS, .I've lost the extra weight bur still smoke

I guess I'm saying, if I don't sort myself out, and hubby went through hell I'll be dead before him...

Sp Monday 9th of January I'll attempt to get off the fags abd now I've gone AOR public about it, I'm accoutable to someone.

Thanks for listening 



Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.

asked Jan 6 in Friendship by Glasgowbelle (1,165,550 points)
And, only because my husband doesn't visit this site and I need to say it out loud. If he went to a doctor when I first suggested it, it wouldn't be this bad..   
Ok that is off my chest

7 Answers

+1 vote

So sorry to hear about your husband, but glad that the op went well.   You can quit, I know you can.  If you need any kind of moral support or advice, please don't hesitate to ask me.   Good luck, GB. 


"Imagine a world where we are all enlightened by objective truths rather than offended by them"

answered Jan 6 by lavender (736,110 points)
Thanks.. I need auld nic off my back.. so it's either me or auld nic... with your support I'm quids in
It's not easy, as you know.  I smoked from the time I was 13, and I quit dozens of times in between.   But, you can do it.   I quit for the last time three years ago, but only because of my age (50 at the time).  20 years ago I was immortal, so I didn't take it as seriously as I do now.  I miss those immortal days.
Yeah we all think we will live forever. I can't die yet my boy is still at uni...
Exactly!
+2 votes

GB, it is brave of you to share that - really it is. Thanks for trusting us that much.

I'm sorry about your husband, and I'm glad he got good care and is recovering. 

About the cigarettes. I feel your pain. I smoked for 25 years and it took THREE separate bouts with cancer to finally motivate me to quit permanently. So yeah - I understand. I figured I could only dodge so many bullets before my luck ran out, and I finally quit. It was a long process, but I did it. And if I did it, I bet YOU can do it, too. You'll quit and start and quit and start and quit and start...it might take a couple of years to finally give them  up for good. (It took me 2 full years.) But don't let that deter you. Don't beat yourself up. Every time you "fall off the wagon" just quit again and keep doing that until you decide you've had enough and quit for good. 

A birthday is a good time to make a fresh start - so go for it. I wish you the best of luck. 

answered Jan 6 by justpassingthru (755,340 points)
Thanks JPT.. I always read your stuff and know you know what I'm talking about. Your an inspiration to me.. then you for being you.
+1 vote

Great, great first step. Happy Birthday, too. That's a heck of a trip and I'm glad hubby is doing well. If you need a place to vent or for help, this is it. 


"Strangers and the Knight exchanging lances..."

answered Jan 6 by gettinslim45 (171,140 points)
+3 votes

As you well know, us men are often stubborn about doctors because we are in denial, we are socialized that men dont; need doctors unless a bone is sticking out, or we are bleeding ot death. I have known a few women like this too. Once in a while really low self esteem will keep a person from going too.

It is an understatement to say you have been through a lot. I know what it is like to have someone you love and have to prod them to do something they are scared to do but must do. I also know of the care involved in the recovery process and feeling helpless because you can only do so much.

Than there is the reality that you are the care giver with no one who can relate to what you are doing or feeling with nobody to talk to or give you a break, not that you want a break or could relax in the first place. I worked than got home and did the care giver thing for many years and a person feels isolated from the world. Also, there are no support groups either where people can talk and relarte to each other. 

I recall JPT mentioning on the site that to quit smoking is a process of sorts where people often try, than stop than try again multiple times until they eventually just do it. As a never smoker, this makes sense to me, so if you don't get it the first time, do not get discouraged. Just go back and attempt to quit again when you feel ready. The last thing a person needs is to feel they failed at something that isn't a simple pass or fail situation.

I wish you the best with your efforts.


"Tired of *people* and their bull sh*t, yours, theirs, and mostly mine' ~Me~

answered Jan 6 by BUFFER (1,301,930 points)
+1 vote

Happy birthday Glasgowbelle. That must have been hard to talk about, but it's good to get things off your chest. Good luck with everything that comes after. 


The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing

answered Jan 6 by Amy1022 (78,860 points)
+1 vote

Well Belle you have given me permission, and all of us. So I am going on record to say 

I WILL BE CHECKING ON YOU!!!  Yes you will be accountable to me and the rest of the lot here!

Sorry about hubby's cancer and surgery and all that went down. But at least he is on the mend.  You are one tough lady. I have a lot of respect for all the things from your life you have shared with us.  

CIGARETTES KILL!  I lost the dearest sweetest Mum because of cigarettes!!!  She had her first surgery and lost one lobe of her right lung in 93. She was lucky no chemo.  In 2001 she had the cancer come back into her left lung. Radiation the only treatment. 7 months later it was in her lung again and went into her shoulder bone. It was downhill from there. Her bone was near ate away from the cancer and as big as a footballer. She was in uncontrollable pain. And died in june of 2003.

So you MUST give it up!!  It hasn't been that long you got hooked. 

Good luck my friend:)  

answered Jan 7 by Cinders717 (1,564,230 points)
0 votes

Yikes.....

.... I am glad to hear the surgery went well. I am also glad to know you are on the road to recovery.

One step at a time. I'm rooting for you!


"He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life." - Muhammad Ali

answered Jan 7 by king313 (413,910 points)
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