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+2 votes

I’ve been seeing a man for a month now and so far he has been lovely, treats me with respect and hasn’t demonstrated any red flags or toxic behaviour. He told me before our first date that he has been single for three years after a committed relationship but hasn’t found the right person for him since, nobody who has touched his heart. This is also the case for me, I’ve struggled to find my match too but so far, he seems to complement my personality, interests and temperament. It’s going well and I’m excited! 

But- after we had been dating for only 1 week, I received a message from a girl I barely know (we vaguely knew each other as teenagers 15 years ago) saying her friend had been begging her to contact me about him. She said she had figured out we were dating and who I was by looking at who he has recently started following on instagram and apparently she has seen me in the block of flats where they both live. She said she wanted to warn me off him as he “gets girls to like him then he leaves suddenly, saying he can’t force his feelings”. I don’t know why she didn’t contact me directly herself. 

I immediately asked him to meet with me and we discussed it face to face. He said this girl was someone who he had seen on a casual, sexual only basis and he had broken it off with her a couple of weeks before his first date with me and she took it badly. He said he tried to go about things the decent way by telling her face to face that he didn’t want to continue. 

I checked out her profile and she seems Emotionally unstable, writing about anxiety and depression, ranting obsessively about him to this day in a blog and posting strange incoherent poetry about how cruel he is basically. She also continues to upload abstract pics to Insta with abstract captions in his first language about how he’s empty hearted etc. 

With me, he’s properly dating me. He’s taken me to lots of lovely places, we spend hours talking and we have loads of common interests that seem to be the main connection above even anything physical.

I’ve tried to put it out of my mind, choosing to form my own opinions on him based on how he treats Me. However it’s cast a negative over things as I find myself feeling a bit suspicious of him, wondering if he will do the same to me, if he really is this empty hearted guy that she describes. He seems very happy with me so far and has told me he enjoys my company and wants to continue getting to know me so my question is- what would you make of this and how would you proceed?

in Relationships by (150 points)

1 Answer

+1 vote

I would proceed with caution. You have only been seeing him for a month and doubt is already circulating in your mind.

You make this sound rosy but a month is no time at all and certainly not enough time for him to take you to lots of places and talk for hours, pull back, dont be in such a rush, you know he has already hurt someone with a love em and leave em attitude.

And you mentioned his first language but not what that is so ut makes me think there is a cultural angle here with this girl that you should investigate 

by (2,929,220 points)

Thank you for taking the time to reply! 

Maybe I’ve made it sound more than it has been, we’ve met twice a week over the month and been to a few places but only locally. His first language is Spanish, he’s lived in the UK for years and wants to settle here permanently. I am fluent in Spanish and lived in Spain for years so culturally I have a good understanding already. The other girl has written some captions in Spanish presumably to make it obvious who she is referring to.

Proceed with caution is wise advice though. I haven’t let myself get carried away and I told him firmly that I do not tolerate games or even the slightest hint that I’m being used. He insisted the other girl was just a no strings thing as she’s moving away soon but he’s properly dated me and we didn’t sleep together til date 6.. I suppose I just needed an eternal perspective as I have only known him a month and don’t know the other girl at all so it’s very hard to know who to trust... I am reluctant to fall head over heels and trust someone easily this time around as I’ve been single and strong for a while and don’t want anyone to bring me down, if they are that way inclined. I think only time will tell..... 

thanks again :) 

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