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+2 votes

I've been with my wife for 14 years, and when it comes to sex, it has always been a challenge.

By challenge, I mean that her body is quirky.  The typical sensitive spots on a woman aren't that sensitive on her.  Not only that, she doesn't give feedback, so I don't know when she likes or dislikes something.  If I'm doing something wrong, I won't know it, because she doesn't communicate it to me.  She just takes it.

A running theme with her in general interaction is "be gentle."

"You're too rough."

"Touch me nicely."

"You don't know your own strength."

I've been hearing this for 14 years, so it's ingrained in my subconscious.  Now, imagine my wife suddenly pumping the brakes one night and telling me that I need to be more kinky and rough.  WTF?

What am I supposed to do with that?  With her suddenly going from dainty to sultry, I don't even know where to start.  And when I ask her what she means or what her fantasy is, all I get is "I don't know."  She's so submissive, but I need a starting point at least.  I can't just deprogram and open up on her.  I don't want to do something crazy and hurt her.

This is new to me.  Any ideas on how or where to start?

in Intimacy by (111,740 points)

1 Answer

+1 vote

Just go for it, she will soon let you know if your on the wrong track. It not like you gavent thought of it for all these years.

by (2,945,280 points)

I haven't been thinking of it.  When she played the prude and shunned rough stuff, it killed the idea.

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