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+3 votes

Boyfriend refuses to help me paint my room. He says that it’s my project and that I should be doing it.. 

he claims he did enough by telling me what to do. He thinks I’m out to use him and that I want him to do all of my work.  

It bothers me that he minds doing this for me but he didn’t had a problem giving his female neighbor a ride to the mechanic to pick up her car.  When he should of been the same with her because it’s her neighbors problem not his . He should of let her figure it out.  But with me it looks like he doesn’t care. It’s so frustrating..

in Dating by (150 points)

5 Answers

+1 vote

Sounds like he should be an ex boyfriend.  I think it is unreasonable for him to not help you.  If for no other reason that he should want you to feel indebted to him.  He needs to claim that you owe him.  But instead, you dislike him.  

i think he is wrong, and don't know why you tolerate him.

by (1,535,670 points)
+1 vote

I think we are missing a LOT of information here.  When did you decide to paint your room?  Is it in the same house or building where you boyfriend lives?  Was the project your idea?  Did you ask him how to go about painting the room?  Did he tell you, essentially, "Here's what you need to do: decide on a color you like; decide on the kind of finish you want (satin, flat, sheen, etc.); decide on how much you want to spend on paint and buy a pain in that price range; buy brushes and rollers and paint buckets, etc.?"  Did he offer to go with you when you picked out the paint?  Is this project something you've been telling him something like, "I want to repaint my room.  I want it to look ___(whatever)____.  I have time next week, so I can do it then.  But I don't know how to do it.  What do I need to do to repaint my room?"

It seems to me something like--not exactly, but something along the lines of-- the above conversation must have taken place, because you said he thinks he's done enough by "telling [you] what to do."  So he had to have been asked, "What do I do?" and he has to have given you help in figuring out what you needed to do to complete YOUR project of repainting your room.

Also, there's a big difference between giving a neighbor a ride to the garage to pick up her car and helping her paint her house, for example.  One is just a "neighborly thing to do," while the other requires a commitment of time and effort far beyond offering "a helping hand."  Now if he had gone over to fix her plumbing or help her remodel her garage into a spare bedroom, then I'd say you have every reason to complain.  But you are suggesting he should have told her, "Hey, it's YOUR car.  Don't ask ME to get you to the garage.  Walk.  It's only four miles."  

You're upset.  I get it.  But we're not getting the whole story.  I am NOT saying he's "right" in telling you no, but I'm not ready to condemn him based on the version of the story you have given us.

by (818,980 points)
+1 vote

Maybe your boyfriend is trying to make you more independent. If it was your idea, it would be nice if he helped you,  and his refusal can mean he's simply too busy to put in the time, or he is lazy, etc. My question is, is he always refusing to help you in anything, or is he being this way for the first time after helping you with things in the past? If it's the former, it's not good as in the future, if you plan on getting serious with this person, do not think that marriage would change him for the best. 

 If his neighbor needed a ride to the mechanic, that is kind of an emergency. She could have called a Lyft, but if he was there and offered, or if it was on his way to work, she thought why not? 

by (1,053,410 points)
+1 vote

Sounds to me it's not about getting the room painted but about how he helped his female neighbor. Female being the operative word. I would suggest just doing it yourself, thank him for not helping and look at the relationship as a whole.

by (4,024,811 points)
0 votes

I wouldn't actually say he won't help you for any reasons given here. I just think he is being lazy and using you for your labor. I am sure you are the one who does most of the household chores. Plus shipping and fixing his food.

Not sure what you are thinking about with his neighbor getting a ride from him. My neighbor would do something like that for me. It has no meaning other than taking a friend and dropping her off. What are you saying anyway? You believe he likes her better than he does you, because he did something for her and not for you? Well they are a bit different, but we can go with what you think. Make sure you have trust in your relationships. If you don't have that it can spoil  it all.

A good idea is getting him to want to help you, and that means the two of you working together. If you can't do that then your relationship is doomed. You have to be able to communicate what you need/want, and have it heard. There is always room for negotiation. If he isn't willing to help or to give anything back to your relationship, then it is time to end it. Maybe he is trying to mark his territory and then rule over it.

by (427,930 points)
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