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+1 vote

So this girl and I are both 18, first-year university students. Last night we're all playing pool, 3v3 and the girl specifically asks to be on my team. We're friends, but not too much outside of this friend group.

Then it just felt like whenever it was her turn, she'd be asking me for advice really enthusiastically, despite the fact that the other guy on our team is objectively better than me. Anyway, she just seemed to be super bubbly whenever asking me what to do for her shot and stuff like that. Eventually it's the other guy who ends up winning the game for us, but she ends up running over and hugging *me* instead, which felt like an overreactive measure to begin with, just grabbing my waist a few separate times.

It sort of feels like a signal to me but I'm not sure.

in Intimacy by (420 points)

1 Answer

+2 votes

I think the real question is, "Why are you asking?"

Is it because it makes you uncomfortable? In that case, I'd avoid her if possible without sacrificing doing what you want, and when this happens just politely let her know you're not a very touchy person/don't really want a hug right then. If she continues, get more forceful.

If it's because you want her to be flirting and are interested then I'd say throw a girl a bone. Hug her back, make a point of standing close, ask her questions. One thing men undervalue is how much a woman appreciates a man being interested in her just being her and actually being curious about it. Don't relate things back to yourself right away when she talks to you or mentions something, relate it back to her. She seems forward, so just make it easy for her and you'll figure out if she likes you.

Do you see each other often? Was this a one-time thing (the flirting), and how intoxicated was everyone? Can definitely make a difference.

by (2,860 points)

Thanks for the response! To provide some context, I would say I’m attracted to this girl but at the same time unsure if just staying as friends would be the better path. We see each other maybe every week - few weeks, usually in a small group type setting. Definitely no alcohol was in the situation on any occasion though. 

It feels like there are some pretty obviously suggestive signs, but I can’t be 100% sure. 

- She’s complimented the shirt I’m wearing 1-2 times 

- Our legs were briefly touching sitting next to each other at a meal, and she apologized for it (acknowledged it happening). I definitely didn’t consciously initiate it

- She’d very briefly lean her head on my shoulder 

- When a group of us made plans to go to a sports game, she asked if she could wear my jersey to it (and then again later to verify)

- She once asked if I had heard her singing from down the hall, because it would be “embarrassing” if I did

- Asked me to apply for a part-time job with her 


So why are you feeling conflicted? What tells you just staying friends would be better?

If you've never spent time alone before I'd start with that. Ask to hang out, not for a date. Plan 1-2 non-romantic activities. The first should have a solid endpoint, whether because time expires or the activity is done. The second should be easy to cut short or extend based on how things go.

Explore these feelings and get to know her better. Sounds like there's potential there - you just have to decide if it's worth following up on.

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