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+2 votes
114 views

I am and have been "dating" my now future wife for about 12-14 weeks online. We have been chatting on a sexting website and have shared a bit, me more than her. How do I find out about her? 

I am extremely confident of us a couple now and have no doubts about my marriage proposal, I know I don't want to be with anybody else ever. It's her.  

I feel I don't really need to dot the I's and cross the T's with her now, its just something I want to do to I think give her confidence in me and my desire for her. 

I am not sure she understands yet who I am she just said that she loves me. Maybe about after 2-3 weeks dating. 

Anthony. 

in Dating by (6,910 points)

5 Answers

+1 vote
 
Best answer

You are what professionals call the honeymoon phase. All the hormones are gushing the first weeks in.

Did you know,Moreover marriage is financial contract for you both? Any outstanding debts owed by either party now become the legal responsibility of the other? This includes past state or unpaid federal taxes? School, car payments the list goes on!

Do you and your fiancé have stable jobs to begin planning your future?

Does she have any destruction addictions shopping, gambling etc.

What is her driving record? You will be responsible for any liable accidents she might be in.

Marriage is more than playing house!

Give the relationship a year to see how things work out.

By then you will know if she is toxic or not!

Lead with your head not your hormones.

This is a two way street you both need to know if the there are any possible deal breakers!

by (758,370 points)
0

The webiste asks for a profile. I have declared that I'm "looking for work" and that currently I am living on benefits and savings and the kindness and generosity of my bank manager. I'm sure we will discuss those things about finances but I have been honest from the word go almost to an extent that I feel proud of. If she asks I will declare my credit rating to her. No problem. 

How can I say this. We are going to be married. That's a given. The timing and place are not as certain. I feel like we are on an uncertain journey with each other but have both made a promise to each other that nothing can separate us if we show understanding and patience and can find peace in our difficult moments.....we are going to be ""traveling together for life"". 

Marriage is a lumps and bumps take it or leave it situation between us if you see what I mean. We are not going to be separated by arguments or disagreements with each other. I'm looking forward to our first argument/disagreement so I can find out about myself in that situation. I am emotionally intelligent.....if you know what that is.

Take care. Anthony. 

0

I understand the emotionality of love. I also know what it means to support the both of us while he : looked for work for a year and a half.

Nothing tears at a Hallmark romance than having bill collectors want what’s due them! No, there wasn’t any blow out arguments. But working 10 hrs and coming home to a dirty apt and your “ beloved” watching tv while the laundry is piled up in addition to unpaid bills and then having to make dinner!

All I am saying is take some time to get to know her fully. You essentially know nothing in depth about her.

Online she could be anything or anybody.

You certainly  aren’t ready to begin marriage if you aren’t even unemployed!

You are acting like a love struck teen! You are way over your head emotionally and low on logic!

Well Good Luck Anthony!

L4u

0 votes

Nope, this isnt even getting off the starting blocks. Its not what they say, its what they do. How they behave, how they treat other people, how the comport themselves. You cannot possibly be thinking of marrying this person who you absolutely do not know. No arguments, you don't know her.

by (2,970,390 points)
0

I don't know her.....I know myself. I am looking forward to knowing her on our journey together...yes it's not the way most people do it but I'm not most people. 

0 votes

Just ask her how good she is in the kitchen. The bedroom department is also important.

by (3,930,481 points)
0

For the most part I will eat ready meals in the week and maybe cook on a Friday and Saturday night with some wine perhaps. We have discussed the bedroom department very early in our dating life. She and I are agreed that this is not a priority for penetrative sex at all. I can't give it and she does not need it. Everything else is on the table thou. 


0

Anthony may I ask your ages? No penetrative sex ever, ever?

Why?? Do you suffer a disease?

She isn’t concerned about a lack of penetrative sex and your lack of employment? Has she even ever had sex or have you?

This seems stranger and stranger?

Will either of you want children?

So many gaps.

+1 vote

Just a few simple questions will tell you everything that you need to know.

1. Money.  Does she have any?  Does she want any?  Does she have a plan to get what she wants?  

2. Rug rats.  Does she want a hoard?  A few?  Any?  Are they unwelcome accidents.

3. Food.  Can she cook?  Does she like to cook?  Will she complain about your cooking? Does she think the kitchen is where you do craft projects?

4. Cleaning.  Is she a neat freak?  Everything in its place, spotless?  Is she a slob?  Everythings place is where it was used last?

5. Sex.  Does she like it?  Does she just do it to procreate, see rug rats above?  Does she think it is the best thing since sliced bread?  Does she do it because she thinks you like it?


And see how she dovetails into your own views on the above questions.  No one is a perfect fit, but a complete miss is going to make both of you miserable.

by (1,474,470 points)
+1 vote

It is extremely worrisome to hear you say that your relationship with your "future wife" is ONLINE.


If you have not met her in person... if you have not spent at least a couple of weeks talking IN PERSON... if you haven't been to her home and if she hasn't been to yours... 


You DON'T have a relationship.  You have a fantasy.

by (769,950 points)
0

How can I say this! Perhaps I should have asked something different! Its actually not about her. its about me. I know myself very very well. I was a very good Trainer. This is a position were you have to trust yourself with other people, people I would say that had and were from many different backgrounds and educational achievements. My confidence with people now is just on a completely different level because I am now how do you say it "emotionally intelligent" 

Further she is and has been as supportive and caring as I have ever had. Not even my parents gave me that much love, care and attention in 20 years of living with them.

No. its no fantasy its called life and mine is just different form the mold that is everybody else's perception of what dating life should be. My brother and sister included. 

Thanks for your answer. 

Anthony

0

You can tolerate a lot in a hypothetical situation but living with someone for year after year takes more than a high EQ.

Any exercises you go thru in team building pale in comparison to marriage.

But let’s say you were a trained psychologist that means nothing as to what she truly can tolerate in real life.

It is best if you both are equals in intelligence, maturity etc.

No one enjoys a parent/child relationship in a marriage. No matter who is the superior or inferior partner.

The superior partner can’t carry a lopsided marriage and the inferior partner will resent their inventory being taken as part of a Psych experiment.

You know what they say abt good intentions!


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